Mariah.

OH MARIAH! You amuse me. I loved you so much when I was in the third grade, I really did. And I would be lying if I said that one of my favorite moments of all time was when my girlfriends and I all broke out into a BEAUTIFUL rendition of “Without You” over a box of wine. This is my tribute to you, because it’s Saturday and I feel like this weekend I will channel your spirit. So I’ll probably force Marple to drink lots of fake champagne and run on a treadmill in high heels with me.

• Your album covers are individual works of art, these are my top 5:

• Lyrics are always important, and while Britney is still the master rhymer (stutter/butter – brilliant), your lyrics are also little gems of joy

“Oh baby I’ve got a dependency
Always strung out for another taste of your honey”

♥

“Lucius delight
When you’re immersed in my ocean of love
Coming on strong
Baby I’ve been waiting so long
Revel inside my paradise”

♥

“I didn’t mean to turn you on
Oh I didn’t mean to turn you on”

♥

“Got you all fired up, with your Napoleon complex,
Seein’ right through you like you’re bathin’ in Windex”

• SCANDALS! You know them well and share them with the world because you are a true entertainer.

Just appearing in Glitter should count, if you’ve seen it you know why. Then the sexual revolution after you got rid of your controlling husband, Mr. Mottola. You did it before Britney, Christina and Miley (just wait, it’s going to spin out of control). All of your clothing choices speak for themselves. The breakdowns, the fall. And then the return! The new and younger husband, Mr. Nick Cannon that you married ALL OF A SUDDEN! Take the world by storm, cougar lady. And now picking fights with Eminem and going ugly face in Precious. I tip my sparkly hat to you.

• Finally, your music videos. The outfits. The situations. The supporting characters. The shoes. THE HAIR.

&

Heartbreaker

Obsessed

Up Out My Face

Honey