Tag Archives: Films

Sweet Valley High

I loved Sweet Valley High. I read all of them. I read Sweet Valley Kids, I read the special editions where they traced the family histories of selected characters, I watched the show- I was a major fan. Now, my beloved books are going to be turned into a movie, with none other than Ms. Diablo Cody behind the wheel.

A quick character recap: Jessica & Elizabeth Wakefield are twins, Jessica is the badass and Elizabeth is the nerd. Jessica’s BFF is Lila Fowler, who is super rich, super hot and super snotty. Elizabeth has her own BFF, equally (if not more so) nerdy Enid Rollins. While Jessica isn’t the type of girl to settle down, Elizabeth is and has an on-off boyfriend, the nice guy Todd Wilkins. Every town has a bad boy, and this one happens to be the rich and rebellious Bruce Patman. Another standard is a class clown, and Sweet Valley’s is Winston Egbert, the dorky yet sweet guy.  Sweet Valley Unlimited has a scary amount more information.

I miss the show, I looked up the Daniel twins to see what they are up to now.  Cynthia, who played Elizabeth, seems to have given up acting and is now a photographer.  Brittany however, is still acting. She’s been in a few screamers, worked with the Wayans brothers, but my favorite has got to be her role as Carmen, a transexual, who has a fling with Mac on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia:

Some fascinating trivia: according to their bios on IMDB, Cynthia was more like Jessica and Brittany was more like Elizabeth.

If you feel that you are now ready for the movie, make sure by taking the SVH quiz.

I am personally waiting for this to turn into a trend, so that we’ll get a Baby-Sitters Club movie and a new Nancy Drew movie, where Nancy gets to be a badass sleuth instead of some wholesome know it all. Maybe she could move to the town of Neptune, have Veronica Mars as her sensei and give me some fucking closure. I would watch the shit out of those movies. And Goosebumps! I believe there was a show based on the books, but let’s get a summer blockbuster or a series of straight-to-DVD slashers.

And also, if Diablo Cody has some trouble deciding on who to cast, here is a helpful back-up plan:

SVH Casting Call: Crazy for Cocopuffs Edition

Jessica Wakefield   Elizabeth Wakefield


   Lindsay Lohan        Lindsay Lohan

Lila Fowler                     Enid Rollins              Todd Wilkins      Bruce Patman


Tila Tequila                   Tyra Banks                 Samantha Ronson    Spencer Pratt



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5 Reasons to Love Portia de Rossi

1) She played Lindsay Bluth in Arrested Development

Her chicken dance is my favorite.

2) Her apology for marrying Ellen DeGeneres

Brilliant. That poor dog.

3) She was in a little movie called Scream 2


4) She is clearly in charge.

Nell Porter on Ally Mcbeal was way more interesting than most of the women on that show, especially Ally.
And Veronica Palmer from Better Off Ted will kick your ass if she needs to, or if she has nothing better to do.

5)She’s fuckin Austrailian

Like you need another reason.

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Lindsay Lohan.

Maybe not very newsworthy anymore. Nobody really cares about her that much, and I’m not saying that they should. I recently rewatched the episode of Saturday Night Live where Lohan hosts, and the entire episode is like a premonition of the years to come. Lohan was 17 when it taped in 2004 and in the episode she manages to mock her tabloid apperances, drunk driving, fake lesbians and exposed cleavage. Honestly, after a while it just got creepy.

Let’s just quickly compare those sketches with her later reality:

1) Overexposed girl on girl action // Lindsay + Samantha = overexposed girl on girl ❤

In the SNL skit, Lohan and Rachel Dratch are playing a version of the faux lesbian duo T.A.T.U. I would like to point out that I am not saying that Lohan and Ronson weren’t cute together. But the whole gay or not gay got so played out. Maybe the paparazzi would have left her alone if she just came out. Although she probably wouldn’t have wanted them to.


2) Lindsay + friends get in a car with Billy Joel who drunkenly drives them to a party // Lindsay get’s wasted and drives around


3) Lindsay is in the tabloids because of her feud with Hillary Duff // Lindsay is in the tabloids ALL THE FUCKING TIME


4) Harry Potter’s Hermione grows up and gets big boobs // Lindsay grows up and gets big boobs
Really, this phenomenon was happening at the time, but still.


I mock Lindsay, but she did star in a movie that is one of my favorites, Mean Girls. Say what you will about it, but I love that movie so fiercly it might as well be my baby bearcub (if I were a full grown lady bear). For her role as Kady, I will always have a special place in my heart for her. Even though she is one of the more boring characters. But you know, Tina Fey saw something in her and Tina is not somebody that I will question.

But come on.

I did see Labour Pains.

If the viewing of that movie doesn’t give me license to scoff, I don’t know what will.

(Honestly people, see it, because it is way worth it. But please, make sure that you are either severly hung over or intoxicated when you do.)

And on that note, I leave you with perhaps, a glimpse of the new generation?

Mars out.

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