Tag Archives: Booze

Weekend Wackaloo: Beverage Edition.

Photograph by Weegee.

Are you uninspired by your usual selection of beverages? Do not fear, gentle reader, we are here to help. Drunken philantropy, that’s what we do.

The Reliable Choice:

Box of Red Wine

This is one of our personal favorites. You can’t really go wrong with it, because it’s a beverage in a box. BiaB. Say it. Say it now, and then say it after you drink the box. HOURS OF FUN. Marple is less discriminate and would like to add that white wine works as well and even gets bonus points for the alliteration possibilities.

The Other Reliable Choice:

Beer

Beer is also fun, although the cleaning can be more annoying than with the BiaB. No matter how you go about it you’ll still have tons bottles and cans to clean up, and then there’s the fancy beer drinkers who simply MUST have a glass. You could just get a keg, but those are heavy. The upside of beer is that you don’t have to mix it with anything, nor should you. And there are just so many choices, but that could either be fun or just stressfull. So in conclusion, beer is good but you might have more to clear up later.

The Adventureous Choice:

Gin & Tonic

This may seem like another relaible one, and in a way it is. But Mars drank it when she was out safarii-ing in Africa, which counts as an adventure. What also counts as an adventure is dealing with the both of us after we’ve had a few.

The Trekkie Choice:

Something Old or Something Blue

Well, while there is a handful of cocktails made with Star Trek as inspiration, I think I’d like to go with Sandra Lee on this one and keep it simple, keep it sweet and keep it semi home made. Which is basically putting Hypnotiq in a glass with ice and blueberries. Now, I can’t vouch for the taste personally, but it’s blue. And you know what? So’s frakking Romulan Ale and that shit’s so awesome it’s illegal. An alternative could be scotch. Because you know who loves scotch?

Damn right you do!

The Black & White Movie Choice:

I don’t want to make trouble. All I want is a drink.

If there’s something Marple loves as much as she loves Trek and sci-fi, it’s black and white Hollywood films. And what goes better with Bette Davies in Jezebel than a Mint Julep? Nothing gets you ready for your close up like a whiskey based drink. Or just straight up whiskey!

Although Margo Channing would probably suggest a Dry Martini (very dry), and you don’t mess with Margo Channing.

The Dude’s Choice:

White Russian

Be sure to wear your bathrobe when you drink this, and don’t forget to say fuck a lot. Also, pretend to be in a bowling alley as much as possible. If you are actually in a bowling alley, be careful not to blow your own mind.

The Fancy Choice:

Champagne, Champagne, Champagne.

So fun, so refreshing, so very good yet so deceptivly evil the morning after. And it makes Marple Disney Princess drunk, which basically means she will most likely end up singing to small furry animals.

We would like to add, as a final caveat, that no matter what you drink, do it responsibly. There’s nothing classy or awesome about passing out in your own vomit and we’d like to think that if you’re here reading our blog you’re way too smart to even think about drinking and driving.

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Lindsay.

Lindsay Lohan.

Maybe not very newsworthy anymore. Nobody really cares about her that much, and I’m not saying that they should. I recently rewatched the episode of Saturday Night Live where Lohan hosts, and the entire episode is like a premonition of the years to come. Lohan was 17 when it taped in 2004 and in the episode she manages to mock her tabloid apperances, drunk driving, fake lesbians and exposed cleavage. Honestly, after a while it just got creepy.

Let’s just quickly compare those sketches with her later reality:

1) Overexposed girl on girl action // Lindsay + Samantha = overexposed girl on girl ❤

In the SNL skit, Lohan and Rachel Dratch are playing a version of the faux lesbian duo T.A.T.U. I would like to point out that I am not saying that Lohan and Ronson weren’t cute together. But the whole gay or not gay got so played out. Maybe the paparazzi would have left her alone if she just came out. Although she probably wouldn’t have wanted them to.

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2) Lindsay + friends get in a car with Billy Joel who drunkenly drives them to a party // Lindsay get’s wasted and drives around

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3) Lindsay is in the tabloids because of her feud with Hillary Duff // Lindsay is in the tabloids ALL THE FUCKING TIME

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4) Harry Potter’s Hermione grows up and gets big boobs // Lindsay grows up and gets big boobs
Really, this phenomenon was happening at the time, but still.

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I mock Lindsay, but she did star in a movie that is one of my favorites, Mean Girls. Say what you will about it, but I love that movie so fiercly it might as well be my baby bearcub (if I were a full grown lady bear). For her role as Kady, I will always have a special place in my heart for her. Even though she is one of the more boring characters. But you know, Tina Fey saw something in her and Tina is not somebody that I will question.

But come on.

I did see Labour Pains.

If the viewing of that movie doesn’t give me license to scoff, I don’t know what will.

(Honestly people, see it, because it is way worth it. But please, make sure that you are either severly hung over or intoxicated when you do.)

And on that note, I leave you with perhaps, a glimpse of the new generation?

Mars out.

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