Photograph by Weegee.
Are you uninspired by your usual selection of beverages? Do not fear, gentle reader, we are here to help. Drunken philantropy, that’s what we do.
The Reliable Choice:
Box of Red Wine
This is one of our personal favorites. You can’t really go wrong with it, because it’s a beverage in a box. BiaB. Say it. Say it now, and then say it after you drink the box. HOURS OF FUN. Marple is less discriminate and would like to add that white wine works as well and even gets bonus points for the alliteration possibilities.
The Other Reliable Choice:
Beer is also fun, although the cleaning can be more annoying than with the BiaB. No matter how you go about it you’ll still have tons bottles and cans to clean up, and then there’s the fancy beer drinkers who simply MUST have a glass. You could just get a keg, but those are heavy. The upside of beer is that you don’t have to mix it with anything, nor should you. And there are just so many choices, but that could either be fun or just stressfull. So in conclusion, beer is good but you might have more to clear up later.
The Adventureous Choice:
Gin & Tonic
This may seem like another relaible one, and in a way it is. But Mars drank it when she was out safarii-ing in Africa, which counts as an adventure. What also counts as an adventure is dealing with the both of us after we’ve had a few.
The Trekkie Choice:
Something Old or Something Blue
Well, while there is a handful of cocktails made with Star Trek as inspiration, I think I’d like to go with Sandra Lee on this one and keep it simple, keep it sweet and keep it semi home made. Which is basically putting Hypnotiq in a glass with ice and blueberries. Now, I can’t vouch for the taste personally, but it’s blue. And you know what? So’s frakking Romulan Ale and that shit’s so awesome it’s illegal. An alternative could be scotch. Because you know who loves scotch?
The Black & White Movie Choice:
I don’t want to make trouble. All I want is a drink.
If there’s something Marple loves as much as she loves Trek and sci-fi, it’s black and white Hollywood films. And what goes better with Bette Davies in Jezebel than a Mint Julep? Nothing gets you ready for your close up like a whiskey based drink. Or just straight up whiskey!
Although Margo Channing would probably suggest a Dry Martini (very dry), and you don’t mess with Margo Channing.
The Dude’s Choice:
Be sure to wear your bathrobe when you drink this, and don’t forget to say fuck a lot. Also, pretend to be in a bowling alley as much as possible. If you are actually in a bowling alley, be careful not to blow your own mind.
The Fancy Choice:
Champagne, Champagne, Champagne.
So fun, so refreshing, so very good yet so deceptivly evil the morning after. And it makes Marple Disney Princess drunk, which basically means she will most likely end up singing to small furry animals.
We would like to add, as a final caveat, that no matter what you drink, do it responsibly. There’s nothing classy or awesome about passing out in your own vomit and we’d like to think that if you’re here reading our blog you’re way too smart to even think about drinking and driving.