Cranky Cat vs. Dicks on TV

Cranky Cat is Marple’s cat and she thinks that most things are stupid. She glared at us untill we let her have her own post, where she glares and rolls her eyes at things that she finds exceptionally stupid. The nice thing about cranky cat is that she doesn’t have to go into details to justify why she’s pissed off, because she’s just a cat on the internet.

Cranky Cat rolls her eyes at the self-pitying men who made the Dodge commercial that aired during the Superbowl, although it has a brilliant reply.

Cranky Cat also lets out an exasperated sigh because of Manswers.

What is going on? How do commercials like the one for Dodge get on the air? Who let that one go through without saying “Hey wait a minute, maybe this will alienate and condescend AN ENTIRE GENDER”. There cannot be an entire chain of command consisting only of men, there must have been some women involved in this decision. Maybe the didn’t find it offensive, maybe they did but realized that the ad would gather a lot of steam off of angry women of teh internets. Is that ok? Is it a betrayal? I don’t know, mainly because I’m one of the angry women cats.

There are just too many dicks on TV (and sometimes, on the dancefloor).

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Hold Me Closer, Icy Dancer

I am not a “sports person”. At all. I could give a shit about the olympics (YES I SAID IT). But! The figure skating is just awesome. I’ve never been into it before, but consider me a convert. How the fuck do you do that on ice? It’s insane. And you get to wear glitter.

  • Johnny Weir skates to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”

I love the dirty look on his face. But it must be hard not to look like a filthy minx when you’re ice skating in a bodysuit to the Lady herself with millions of people watching.

  • Evgeni Plushenko skates to Tom Jones’ “Sex Bomb”

This man must perform at my future bachelorette’s party. For sure.

  • Evan Lysacek can’t decide what song he wants to skate to


Also, check out Jezebels collection of intense skate faces.

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OH MARIAH! You amuse me. I loved you so much when I was in the third grade, I really did. And I would be lying if I said that one of my favorite moments of all time was when my girlfriends and I all broke out into a BEAUTIFUL rendition of “Without You” over a box of wine. This is my tribute to you, because it’s Saturday and I feel like this weekend I will channel your spirit. So I’ll probably force Marple to drink lots of fake champagne and run on a treadmill in high heels with me.

  • Your album covers are individual works of art, these are my top 5:

  • Lyrics are always important, and while Britney is still the master rhymer (stutter/butter – brilliant), your lyrics are also little gems of joy

“Oh baby I’ve got a dependency
Always strung out for another taste of your honey”

“Lucius delight
When you’re immersed in my ocean of love
Coming on strong
Baby I’ve been waiting so long
Revel inside my paradise”

“I didn’t mean to turn you on
Oh I didn’t mean to turn you on”

“Got you all fired up, with your Napoleon complex,
Seein’ right through you like you’re bathin’ in Windex”

  • SCANDALS! You know them well and share them with the world because you are a true entertainer.

Just appearing in Glitter should count, if you’ve seen it you know why. Then the sexual revolution after you got rid of your controlling husband, Mr. Mottola. You did it before Britney, Christina and Miley (just wait, it’s going to spin out of control). All of your clothing choices speak for themselves. The breakdowns, the fall. And then the return! The new and younger husband, Mr. Nick Cannon that you married ALL OF A SUDDEN! Take the world by storm, cougar lady. And now picking fights with Eminem and going ugly face in Precious. I tip my sparkly hat to you.

  • Finally, your music videos. The outfits. The situations. The supporting characters. The shoes. THE HAIR.




Up Out My Face


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Hungover Sunday: Our Week of Internets

More birthdays, more cake! One may or may not have been shaped as a penis and decorated with three different colors of frosting. It might have been baked by Mars, but that cannot be confirmed or denied.

It was doppelgänger week on Facebook, which involves changing your profile picture to one of a celebrity that you’ve been told (or just vainly believe) that you resemble. Here are ours:

Marple                           Mars

Mars has been kept busy by:

  • This adorable office kitteh makes me want to move back to Japan
  • I didn’t mean to stick to the Russian pop scene, but Nadeea showed up at the Grammys and let me know that she existed and I’m glad she did. Otherwise I would never have known that she is “already an icon”, as her website states. Also, I felt that the music world had been neglecting polar bears, but thankfully, Nadeea knows that they “want to suck on icy potions” and “never get eviction notices”.
  • The games on the [adult swim] website are super distracting, and also, awesome.
  • A Penny Arcade comic involving unicorns has been squee-ed over all week, it might get laminated.
  • Side note: this is the most incredible and delicious discovery EVER

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My role models would take out restraining orders on me if they weren’t fictional

I love TV. I love a lot of things, but TV is pretty high up on my love list. So it’s no surprise that I have been so influenced by certain characters. Do I take it too far? Perhaps. But everybody needs role models, and mine may be fictional but at least they don’t include Paris Hilton.

Oh Clarissa! I can’t decide if I drew more inspiration from your outfits, your attitude or your scrunchies. Well ok, if I’m going to be perfectly honest here, I was a huge scrunchie wearer. I had a million. I particularly miss the rainbow colored one…*sigh*.

No one was more upset than I was when they cancelled this show. I mean. The cliffhanger? What the hell. How could you? I…I am going to interrupt myself here because trust me, I can go on all damn day. I think I love Veronica so much because I could relate to her so much. Not the girl detective part (I’m a horrible detective), but the outcast without actually being an outcast because you do have friends but you hate those stupid cheerleaders anyway with their flippy hair. Yes, I know, boo hoo. Thankfully, high school ends and life goes on. But I wish that I could have had V Mars’ devil-may-care attitude and been much less sulky.

Although Liz is a bit older than I am right now, I still really really really want to be her. Not wear her skin as a suit be her (not yet, at least) but get to the place where she is. A place where you do what you love (it’s merely coincidental that I want her job) and yes, you are stressed to the point of scalp pain but you aren’t stuck in a dead-end job with equally high stress levels. Is that too much to ask for? Maybe, but not too much to demand.

On a final note, if I were animated, I would want to be Dr.Girlfriend from The Venture Bros. She really is in charge.

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Girls on Film: Bill Hader Remix

Duran Duran’s “Girls on Film” with new lyrics à la Bill Hader." target="_blank">ecctv

See him walking across the stage Saturdays around midnight

People clapping, and they’re laughing so loud

When he’s in a sketch he does his best and always leaves us wanting more (wanting more)

And at the end of every show we beg and scream for him to follow us hooooooome

Bill Ha-der! Bill Ha-der!

Bill Ha-der! Bill Ha-der!

All the characters you play really do it for me

Your impersonations always drive me wild

Whether it’s a talk show host, Keith Morrison or Vinny V (Vinny V),

Or half of the same sex couple that hail from New Jerseeeey!

Bill Ha-der! (You know that I need ya) Bill Ha-der!

Bill Ha-der! (I just wanna squeeze ya) Bill Ha-der!

I watch every movie that you’re in just to see you

No matter how big or small the role

Just to hear your name makes my cheeks flush red and my common sense goes out the door (out the door)

In a daze I freeze the frame and sit and watch you all night looooooong

Bill Ha-der! (I love Greg the Alien) Bill Ha-der!

Bill Ha-der! (Watch Star Wars together) Bill Ha-der!

Bill Ha-der! (You make South Park better) Bill Ha-der!

Bill Ha-der! (Call me when you see this) Bill Ha-der!

Bill Ha-der! (I swear I’m not dangerous) Bill Ha-der!

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Take my picture Hollywood. I wanna be a STAR!

So, I watched the Grammys last night, as you can probably tell from all the spamming I did in our Twitterfeed, and I was struck by two things.

One, I am apparently shockingly out of touch with pop culture (which, y’know, is a bit of a disadvantage when you blog about it, but I think I’m going choose to think of it as being selective). I don’t have MTV and I don’t listen to the radio. EVER. I mean, I was aware of a lot of people there, but only in an abstract manner. Like for instance, I know that The Jonas Brothers are popular with tweens and that they have promise rings, but I couldn’t pick them out of a line up or tell you what songs they’ve made. I’m perfectly fine with not knowing this, but still. What I’m really confused about is who the hell this Kesha person is, and why does she look drunk all the time?

I probably don’t want to know that either, to be honest. But I think this is a perfectly good example of how modern media in general and the internet in particular allows us to pick and choose more freely what television and music we want to consume. Mars wrote something similar earlier on the subject of news, but I think the same can be applied to television and music as well.

Although I must admit, the whole reason for this entry was Lady Gaga’s performance. Seriously you guys. Holy shit. I have so much to say about this, but I don’t think I have the words, so just watch it.

Okay, so maybe I have one word. EPIC.

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